What does a man think when a woman goes silent

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When a woman goes silent on you, it can feel like you’re talking to a wall. She won’t reach out, won’t interact with you on social media or only responds to questions about responsibilities. This can be frustrating and upsetting while inducing fear and anxiety. 

Some men lash out and try to match her anger and behavior.

As much as this is a way of rebelling against poor communication, it just adds more problems to your relationship and creates a further divide.

In this article, I’m going to share my thoughts on what to do when a woman goes silent on you without having to chase her or behave like a dog who is being abandoned.

Solutions For When She Gives You The Silent Treatment

1. Examine her reason for going silent on you

There have been times when I’ve seen women use the silent treatment on men because they were not making an effort to pay attention or find out why she’s upset. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the easiest way to lose a woman is to make her feel unheard and unappreciated.

Examine the interaction you had with her during the last few days before she gave you the silent treatment, look at your own behavior from her perspective and go through your texts to determine whether she has a valid reason for being upset with you to the point of going silent on you.

If you’re unable to figure it out by yourself, turn to a female in your life and run things by her. More often than not, they’ll be able to pinpoint how you may have upset her in some way.

Most importantly, break the silence by asking her directly why she is not talking to you and why she’s upset. 

Instead of opting for a confrontational or lackluster approach, show her that you’re really interested in knowing how she feels and why she feels that way. 

2. Don’t chase her or beg

I hold the opinion that you should never reward someone for toxic or bad behavior and that’s why I am not someone who will keep texting or making an effort with someone who is cutting me off.

Now, by no means will I not make an effort.

I may try to find out what’s wrong and to make amends at least two or three times if I was genuinely at fault but if all I’m met with is resistance, rudeness and immaturity, then that’s when I’ll tap out and walk away.

I also won’t chase or beg if it’s a lost cause and everything is destroyed.

At that point, it’s not about proving something but it’s about respecting someone’s wishes and giving them the space they want.

Related post: How to react when a girl blocks you

3. Apologize genuinely if you hurt her

Understanding how you may have hurt or upset her is the first step to conflict resolution within any relationship but that has to be followed up with a sincere and genuine apology if you want to completely reconcile.

What I’ve learned about apologies is that they should not just contain the word ‘sorry’ but they should contain an explanation, ownership of your behavior and the vocalization of how that must have impacted the other person.

By doing this, you are illustrating a degree of care that extends beyond just getting her to talk to you.

To a woman, it shows that you are invested in how she feels and you are looking to do better by her and by yourself through careful examination, ownership and understanding of your behavior and the effects it has on the relationship.

Even if it takes her some time to forgive you and to stop using the silent treatment, she’ll respect you for that sincere apology.

4. Don’t lash out at her

If you meet silence with anger, it may open some dialogue that completely ruins your relationship with her.

Alternatively, you’ll be met with further silence and be further propelled into the role of the wrongdoer with more work to do to win her back.

This is unproductive and unhealthy but I also understand how the frustration of being ignored translates into feelings of rejection and abandonment.

It may be difficult to process your feelings because her behavior isn’t kind or considerate even if it is warranted.

If you feel like there’s too much anger and resentment brewing within you, the best approach is no approach at all.

Make a conscious decision to wait until you cool down.

In cases like this, inaction may not fix your relationship problems but it may reduce the damage that may ensue from lashing out verbally or acting poorly. 

Related post: How to give her space

5. Reach out twice

This is usually my approach to receiving silent treatment. I make two genuine approaches to eliciting information about the problem between us and I apologize sincerely or take ownership of my role in the misunderstanding.

This wasn’t always the way I handled situations like this, though.

I remember a time when I kept reaching out to get answers and to establish communication again.

What I hadn’t realized, at the time, was that I had not been in the wrong.

I was being ghosted or ignored by someone for no good reason whatsoever. 

Since then, I’ve realized that it’s not healthy or respectful to myself to chase after someone who is giving me silent treatment unless I’ve knowingly done something terrible.

As an adult, it’s an expectation that people who want to work through issues should exercise some degree of maturity and willingness. 

If an agreement or reconciliation is possible, then it makes sense to walk away or if the individual is abusive or toxic, then don’t open communication at all.

It depends on a case-by-case basis but because I don’t feel like I’m trying to be toxic or harmful to anyone, I understand that there’s no need for me to beg and chase anyone who may start ignoring me. 

I’ll try twice and then I’ll leave the ball in their court. 

Related post: How to reattract an avoidant ex

Reasons Why She Goes Silent On You

1. She’s angry at you

Some people lash out when they’re angry while others shell up. 

As much as it’s a way of getting distance from you to cool down, it’s also a way of expressing her anger.

Silence can be just as powerful as an argument or fight which is why it’s not any easier on you. 

When a woman is angry and feels misunderstood or frustrated, she will make an effort to express that but if she’s met with hostility or disinterest, she’ll walk away and give you the silent treatment to teach you a lesson.

Chances are such that once she cools down and you get to the bottom of what made her angry, she’ll be back to communicating with you.

Related post: She blocked me after an argument (reasons and solutions)

2. You’ve hurt her feelings

When a woman cares about you, the last thing she expects is to be hurt by you. Yes, she may feel afraid of getting hurt but her desire to be with you and her high opinion of you would overwrite that concern.

When it happens, it’s like a figurative punch to the gut and she finds herself disillusioned and terribly upset that a man whom she cares about and thinks so highly of can hurt her emotionally.

Understandably, there will be misunderstandings and arguments in every relationship.

You’re not perfect, nor is she and the two of you are bound to mess up from time to time.

Your partner may be hurt by something that you’ve done intentionally or unintentionally and this may result in her withdrawing from you.

Her silence isn’t necessarily to punish you at all. 

She’s hurt and her defenses are up. It’s your duty to open her up emotionally by paying attention to her, understanding how she feels and taking ownership of your actions that contributed to her feelings being hurt. 

3. She’s ghosting you

One of the worst drawbacks of online dating or living in this digital world is that people can cut you off without any explanation and without any warning.

Not everyone wants to take responsibility for their decisions and not everyone wants to be in the awkward position of rejecting someone who cares about them.

It’s cowardly but ghosting is an easy and quick way to remove someone from your life without having to let them down or face the sight of them being hurt and disappointed.

In this case, no amount of apologies or effort is going to change her mind because her incentive for using the silent treatment on you is getting rid of you without having to face the effects of her decisions. 

Related post: What is ghosting?

4. She wants to get a rise out of you

I would be remiss not to include a reason why she goes silent on you that may be slightly manipulative and immature so this is it.

There are some women who get a kick or feel powerful by getting a rise out of a man she’s interested in.

To her, it feels good to know that you’re going to chase after her if she goes silent on you.

It feeds her ego by providing instant validation of her worth and her power over your heart because you wouldn’t be reacting this way if she wasn’t viewed as important to you.

It’s silly and immature but it happens. 

That’s why it’s important for you to identify whether there’s a valid reason for her to be upset with you and to avoid chasing her relentlessly before you do so.

Related post: What to do when she’s on social media but can’t text back

5. She met someone else

Perhaps one of the roughest and most painful reasons why a woman goes silent on you is because she’s ditching you for someone else.

It’s underhanded, rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate to just ignore someone who you were spending time with just to jump onto the next train in the station if you get what I mean.

The mature thing to do is approach you with honesty and let you down easily.

But, people these days opt for the easy approach and ghost you or ignore you until you’ve given up on trying to get an answer from them.

In Conclusion

My advice is to simply remain calm, do not freak out and start chasing her, reach out with an intention to find out why she’s upset and apologize sincerely if you have done something to hurt her.

You may try again if she reads but ignores your first attempt at contacting her. Wait for a few hours or a day for her to get back to you.

After your second attempt, if she continues to ignore you and uses the silent treatment on you, let her know that you’d like to make things right but you can’t keep texting her or calling her if she isn’t willing to communicate through this with you.

At that point, leave her alone to cool down and to reach out to you.

If she doesn’t, wait a while and then decide whether she’s worth another attempt at communicating with her.

After all this effort, if she doesn’t get back to you, then it’s best to just walk away because there’s no point in trying to talk to someone who has absolutely zero interest in talking to you.

With that being said, I hope this article on what to do when a woman goes silent on you was informative, helpful and practical. If you have any questions or thoughts that you would like to share with me, please feel free to do so by visiting the comment section below.

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